When I was twelve, my parents got divorced and my brother took the Playstation. I was pretty devastated over my material loss. Also I guess it sucked that my parents split. I had my Gameboy, but Pokémon Gold could only hold my attention for so long as a newly found only child. The following Christmas I was given a PS One, the slim line Playstation with a much more pleasant grey colouring. Having been without a console for a year, I was desperate for some Crash Bandicoot so naturally I asked for Crash Bash. What a waste of a game that was. But I suffered through it, because it was the only game I had in my possession. Then one day my dad took me to an Electronics Boutique (as it was known at the time) and told me to pick a new Playstation game.

So I stood in front of a small wall of Playstation titles, as the Playstation 2 had been released the previous Christmas and shelf space was dwindling. For the first time in years, I was out of my depth for choice. I hadn’t been reading any gaming magazines, so I had no clue what was worth playing any more. Then I spotted two vaguely familiar games with simple logotype covers. The name Final Fantasy seemed to ring a bell, as a lot of the anime websites I frequented mentioned it all the time. When presented with copies of Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy VIII, I had a Burns style ‘ketchup, catsup’ breakdown. To the uninitiated, they both seemed like the exact same thing. Guy with big sword and pointy hair in a vaguely militaristic fantasy setting. So, with all the experience I had with Final Fantasy (or even RPGs for that matter), I chose Final Fantasy VIII ‘because the newer one must be better’. This was one of those rare times where my instinct was right.

At certain crossroads in your life, you imagine what it would be like if you did things differently. What if I had gone to a selective school when I had the chance? What if I stayed with my mother? What if I chose Final Fantasy VII? Would I have ended up on the same life path? Would I have become one of those crazy fangirls who constantly, loudly proclaim that Final Fantasy VII is the greatest game ever made? I maintain that the first Final Fantasy game you play will usually be your favourite, as it’s a point of reference to how you judge the rest of the series. While each game has vastly different mechanics, story and overall themes, you will always come back to that first experience with the series. I can definitely understand the love for Final Fantasy VII, it introduced an entire generation to JRPGs and a lot of people hold it dear because they played it at a formative time in their life. But I feel like it’s really a zeitgeist kind of thing, which is why I struggled when I attempted to play it in 2009 after my magical Vinnies haul.

In 2002, I was just on the cusp of a horrible thing known as puberty. I was also deep, deep into anime and would watch anything from Japan. Then I come across this game with the perfect anime-influenced military academy for orphans with a dreamy, angsty protagonist and I was sold. I was just about to start a new school and had no friends where I had just moved to, so I had plenty of time to throw away on Final Fantasy VIII.

Loading the game for the first time was the most amazing thing. Since I had mainly played puzzle games and platformers previously, I hadn’t really played a game that attempted photorealism. Well, for 1999 at least. While I was a couple of years behind in playing it, I had been away from gaming for just long enough to not know what kind of benchmark graphics were supposed to have in 2002. I was blown away immediately. The opening cinematic on the beach with that haunting first line of ‘Liberi Fatali’ was probably the most exciting thing I had seen in my life until that point.

I was at an age where I skimmed tutorials, and Final Fantasy VIII used so much jargon that I really, really struggled with the game until I got through Dollet. Even then, I only managed to scrape through due to my dependence on Guardian Forces and it wasn’t until several years later that I realised how much you could exploit the junction system. I just simply didn’t pay attention. It was pretty hard to pay attention to the mechanics of the game when I was so swept up in this world. I thought Balamb Garden was the coolest thing and had really wished that’s what school was really like. Y’know…except for the part where you’re trained to kill the woman who raised you. That kind of sucks I guess.

Like many others after playing their first Final Fantasy game, I rushed to find the soundtrack. I had never cared about orchestral music until I played this game. Whether it was because the score was legitimately good, or that the music conjured up so many feelings from the game, I don’t know. All I know is that I really got ‘Eyes on Me’, and ‘Force Your Way’ still stresses me out. I’ve also got to thank Final Fantasy VIII for teaching me all the Latin I know, thanks to gratuitous puzzles and song titles.

As I struggled with the battle system and resorted to skipping most random encounters, I found myself drawn into the story of Final Fantasy VIII further. I’d never played a game so huge before, if felt like I could explore every end of the world. I hadn’t expected there to be so many NPCs to talk to, and it felt like the world was really alive. The main cast of characters really appealed to me, because they were teenagers but they weren’t horribly awkward like I was becoming. Well ok, Zell was pretty awful. I was more on course to becoming Selphie at that point in time, and to this day she’s still my favourite Final Fantasy character. I’ve even had the same haircut numerous times up until my adult years.

I played this game so much that my disc one was scratched and I only managed to fight Edea once before the scratch prevented me from ever passing the boss introduction cut scene again. So I ended up with one save past disc one, and about twenty at different disc one intervals. I’d always try a different approach, or junction different Guardian Forces to different characters to see how the battles might change. Eventually I reached the point of no return at the end of disc three. I hesitated, did I want to continue struggling with the onslaught of bosses that filled the endgame? If I proceeded to disc four, I wouldn’t be able to explore the world any more. So I split my saves again, and ended up needing another memory card just for Final Fantasy. I kept one save at the end of disc three that was dedicated to side quests and what I liked to call ‘world tours’, where I would go around to every city and talk to every NPC every couple of months or so. The save that I kept for disc four was barely touched, because I cared more about what the Forest Owls were up to in Timber rather than experiencing time compression and fighting Ultimecia.

It stayed this way until I finished high school, and then I realised there was no way that I was strong enough to take on Ultimecia’s castle. So I borrowed a PC copy of the game from a friend and downloaded a save file from the final save point outside the boss room. I entered, and had an insane battle where I was able to cast all the magic I had been too stupid to stock in my own save file and summon Guardian Forces that I couldn’t have even imagined obtaining through some of the more difficult side quests. Then the credits rolled and I got a little teary, because I had stretched this game well over four years. Four very tough, typically hormone-filled years. Squall and Rinoa were my Romeo and Juliet, they were everything to me at fourteen when I had nothing else to waste my daydreaming on during maths class. The ending of Final Fantasy VIII was bitter-sweet, but it concluded a chapter in my awkward teen years that were soon to become even more awkward adult years.

I still go back to Final Fantasy VIII every once in a while, and it feels like coming home. When I had nothing to look forward to, this was where I went to escape. So when I think back to those crossroads and think of the Final Fantasy VII/Final Fantasy VIII toss up, I’m still very confident that I made the right decision. Sometimes it pays to go with your gut feeling.